I must admit that after having just finished reading the introduction and Chapter 1 of E. Perry Good's " In the Pursuit of Happiness" I feel as though I must rush out and find a pair of Birkenstocks, grow my hair, rebel against "the man" and buy a VW microbus slathered with the symbols of Love, Power, Fun and Freedom. BAH!!! HUMBUG!!!!! I said.........
Well that was until this past Monday, Labor Day of all days and I was working my part time job. I was running late after a shift in Norfolk and did not feel quite up to par. After three hours of suffering through sub sternal chest discomfort, a pounding headache and numbness and tingling in my left arm I finally acquiesced to the fact that I was in denial and quite possibly having a heart attack. After two days in the hospital on a telemetry leash and a gerbil like stress test complete with echo cardiogram I am pleases to admit that I was given a clean cardiac bill of health, albeit with a side of hypertension for which I am now NFPA 1582 compliantly medicated. I am having no fun, I can't feel the love, I was completely powerless and due to the modern marvels of portable telemetry I had lost my freedom.
Perhaps there is something to all this hyperbole after all. I have come to realize that I need a change in my life. After having a wonderful weekend with my children this fact was cemented. I must take power in my life and find what makes me happy, without the guilt of putting myself first for a moment. In the past 5 years I have been buffeted by loss only to put my head down and bull through it by working harder and pouring myself into what I did and not who I was.
So now I will exercise my Constitutional right to pursue happiness and to choose to find time to have fun, love more often and revel in the freedom to feel good about it all. The negative signals of my diminished health due to stress and overwork have me focused now to try and find the positive signals of life and be thankful for them. There will be time in my day for reflection and prayer. For strenuous exercise to bust stress and defeat laziness. More time spent chasing my children and reveling in their love. More time finding happiness in this walk called life by finding out what my signals are and how to use them to get what I want. Oh and not feeling guilty about it.
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6 comments:
Wow Chris, I'm glad you're alright now. It's amazing how getting knocked on your butt can help you refocus. In our profession we are taught to make sure the "Scene is safe" but somehow we still manage to think we are invincible. Maybe we need to add a course on really taking care of ourselves and keeping a focus on what's important.
Stay safe brother.
Glad it was nothing major like an MI. Our job can kill ya, in more ways than one. The stress of it all wll do it just as fast as a roof collapse. Keeping it all in perspective will help. It should be your perspective also, not anyone elses. Glad you are feeling better.
Some of the strongest people I know require the proverbial train wreck to get them to modulate their strength with flexibility. I'm very grateful that you got this warning sign instead of a full blown MI. I'm certain you family is even more grateful. It will be good to have your perspective this semester. Welcome to the VW bus....(but mine looks more like a convertible sports car)
I am glad that you are feeling well! It is ironic but although few of us will ever likely meet, a true bond and respect is formed. More so than the normal appreciation we feel for our neighbors but mutual respect as fellow students and professionals. This was more illustrated with the addition of these pictures that personalizes the whole experience. So with that, watch yourself and anybody reading this, stay safe and take care of yourself!
With that said, it seems as though there is a positive thing in what happened. A check up from the neck up has occurred after the physical tests were completed. The priorities have plainly exposed themselves and you are already telling us, and yourself, that there has been a lack of that balance that we are discussing. Like many of us, we throw ourselves at our professions and work hard so we can play hard. However, every now and again, we need to step back and objectively evaluate it all. My best wishes and I hope that the next cycle in your life is as happy as it can possibly be sir.
Thank you brother for your best wishes and you are indeed right in that we do in fact walk away from so many high stress, high danger enviroments that it is the silent and stealthy events that will bring us to our knees. I have a renewed reverence for my health and for those people that color my life.
Chris,
If nothing else, your sincere comments and real life experience remind us all of what is important.
Thank you for your wonderful sense of humor and for being you.
You'll be kept in my thoughts and prayers as you heal.
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