IPOH Chapter 7

There a myriad of activities that I would enjoy finding the time and or money to enjoy on a more regular basis. However, there are two which would bring a great deal of joy into my life without any expense. One would be to make time to meditate on a daily basis, not just in a stuffy room or quiet indoor space but in nature. The other activity would be to get out and walk daily not along concrete or pavement but along natural paths. I can envision doing both together soaking in all the bounty of the natural world while leaving the man made far behind me. I know this sounds simple enough but the daily grind of work, relationships and family time tends to shred the hopes of these stolen moments.

However, I will attempt in earnest to take a walk along wooded paths tomorrow which is Sunday. I will contract with myself to walk a nearby wooded path at a local arboretum. Not exactly the AT but well within a prescribed morning jaunt.

The problem I am attempting to solve is balancing my life between work, relationships both romantic and family with the necessary time I need to make myself stronger in mind, body and spirit. After doing some brainstorming I have developed a stepped plan that I hope will lead me down the path. First and foremost I need to be more proficient in the management of my resources of time and money. Secondly, I need to brainstorm ways in which I can combine time with loved ones both romantic and family. This step will require a more creative bent on my part to satisfy the needs of all involved. Lastly, I have to utilize what little down time I can squeeze out my duty shifts to exercise and find quiet time. For this step I must be able to adapt as like many of you reading this I control my actions alone and not the actions or need of the community I serve. I feel that in the short run these actions will enable me to achieve a balance of what precious time I have each week.

IPOH Chapter 6

At the risk of offending those with an interest in my personal life I will opine that this particular assignment is a bit too close for comfort. But as the great sages of the human psyche remind us “this discomfort is where growth takes place”. I would just like to interject a rousing explicative intermixed with mind and your own business and be on my merry way. However, I do not feel that would be a prudent path towards academic excellence. So with the barrel of a loaded grade held to my temple I shall change the names to protect the innocent and leak a few secrets onto this public forum.

I, like many of you reading this, enjoy the company of others in meaningful and romantic relationships. I have court documents and child support to stand witness to my failed attempt at wedded bliss. Like so many newly “liberated” men I have also had my share of rebounds, bar hounds and liquor rounds in my colorful past. Yes I did say past as almost three years ago I applied for a part time job and met a red headed beauty I shall call “Raquel”. (I did preface this rant by saying I would change the names to protect the innocent). So Raquel and I meet and instantly I want to know her in a much more meaningful way than just coworkers. I have always placed a taboo on such work relationships but just this once I was ok with jumping without a chute.

To say the least the past three years have been marked by some great memories however within the last year Raquel and I have put one another through the proverbial ringer.
So with the back ground of my life problems laid out for the entire ethos to see, the person I shall list as a problem in my life right now is “Raquel”. Some of the issues I have asked from this person are balance, freedom, consistency and trust. By balance I mean just that, a chi like state where everything in your life has a place and a center. The freedom I ask for is to reacquaint myself with old and lost friends and reconnect with those of my past. The consistency I require truly means just that, not the emotional roller coaster currently in play. Lastly, I seek her trust as I have not breeched that wall with her due to many issues from previous relationships in her life.

I have confided in “Raquel” of the things I need in this relationship and life in general. However, she sees them as a slight towards her and withdraws. So here I sit writing my personal life in code to preserve life, limb and grade. Despite the gloomy demeanor of this rant I believe there is room for change. Most of those changes I can control in my reaction to her withdraw and perhaps some compromise is in order on my part. I have been so busy with my personal life that perhaps I have left her feeling a bit unimportant.

So the problem person right now in my life is indeed “Raquel”. She has not been meeting my needs for fun, power, love or freedom and I am sure I have not fulfilled hers either. That said I believe this can be rectified through open and honest discussion replete with active listening on my part.

I have always seen myself as a pretty positive person, giving praise freely but perhaps throwing the “BS” flag a bit too freely and intensely. So this week I endeavored to step out on a limb and find the positives in a bunch of negative events at work. It did not take long for opportunity to knock, as at a recent structure fire my crew allowed me ample opportunity to blow my stack deep inside only to hold a quite calm critique and accentuate the “what went right” portion. So there in is my lesson to take away. Perhaps I should change my view to what is right in my personal life.

IPOH Chapter 5

The list of activities that I wish to cut down on in my life is easy. Simply stated I work entirely too much. I have forgotten how to loosen up and have fun, how to take time off for me and to throw caution to the wind and plan activities that I enjoy. I rush to work to rush through life.

The list of people is much more complex. My family and children will always be my focus. Time spent with them is rewarding and fulfilling although I would like to include many more get a ways and fun activities in with the time I spend with them. Relationships as of late have been a bit cumbersome as I have very little time and energy left over in a week to spend quality time with my lady. I feel that this fact puts me in a position of not fulfilling her needs.

Truthfully, I have not been spending enough quality time alone to regain touch with myself. I feel as if I run from job to job, from person to person, relationship to relationship and never really slow down enough to drink a cup of coffee at sunrise or enjoy time outdoors exploring nature’s bounty as I dream of doing.

As far as truly knowing others in my life I can’t say that I have truly taken the time to get past work relationships as a form of socialization. There are many people I would like to meet but until I wrestle away enough time for me I feel it is for not. I hesitate to reacquaint myself with several people from my past as there seems to be no depth beyond partying like the high school heathens we were. Perhaps maturity or common sense has kicked in, but I long for discovery rather than rediscovery.

Recreation in the form of hiking, kayaking, camping, hunting and fishing are a few things that I used to live for and have since forgotten in the day to day rush of life. I also miss playing competitive sports such as softball. I realized this over the summer as I watched my daughter play her first season of youth softball. Perhaps this pursuit will give me reason and purpose in my daily work outs.

Simply put, I need some free time to pursue life on a whim. No deadlines, no time lines, no alarms, no schedules. Time to put life on a slow burn.

IPOH Chapter 4 - Needs

I have identified several needs that I must maintain or improve upon to stay happy. Family and friends are important to me but balancing two careers, school, family time, friends and personal time has seemed to overwhelm me of late. Work is a known quantity and one that will remain the same regardless of my desire to change it. Somehow I must plan time every week for all of the people in my life including me.

Like most of you, work consumes three quarters of my weekly time. This leaves a narrow window of a handful of evenings and a scattering of weekend days to plan time with family and friends. Once every third week I am off from Friday until Monday and this is my dedicated weekend with my children. Somehow I must have time for Abby and Noah, for my father and sister, my girlfriend and finally a me day all in the scant few moments I have. But I may have a plan:

1. In order to continue having fun and finding love with these people I must plan at least one get together per week with each of them. To do this I will:
a. Plan an evening with my children
b. Plan an evening with my Dad
c. Have dinner with my girlfriend
d. Spend a combined day together on the weekend.

2. In order to continue getting healthy I must find the time to work out at least on every duty day and at least two other days per week for a total of five workouts.
a. I must set aside time at the station that is mine, alarms not included.
b. I have to make time for at least an hour every day I am off for exercise.
c. Perhaps this can be incorporated with time with others.

3. In order to continue finding freedom I must set aside time for discovery and adventure. I love being outdoors and being with nature.
a. Once a week or every two weeks I need to plan an outdoor outing perhaps that incorporates family and exercise.
b. I need to inventory the state and local areas that are close by and gear up to get out and enjoy them
c. I need to find time every day to get outside and breath.

Lastly this all must be accomplished with what is to me a bad word…PLANNING.
I have been a free spirit winging day to day schedules and avoiding the uptight boundaries of a schedule, instead choosing to live each day as it comes. But as my recent weeks can attest this carefree lifestyle has done nothing but create angst in me as things back lashed on me in a hurry leaving little time for fun, power, love or freedom. My new goal is TIME management.

IPOH Chapter 2

The schedule that consumes my days is like many of yours, ALWAYS FULL. But upon reflection there are a few things that bring me profound happiness.

1. My children
2. My family and friends
3. My career
4. Working out and taking care of my health
5. Being in the outdoors
6. Advancing my education and training

The things I really want in this life are:

1. To have my children with me full time -Love
2. A log cabin high in a mountain - Freedom
3. To get into the best physical, mental and spiritual shape of my life. - Power
4. To start a training and consulting business and travel worldwide. - Power
5. To have a farm raising organic vegetables and free range cattle along with a few horses and allot of dogs. - Freedom
6. Meet a beautiful, talented and independently successful woman. - Love

Something I could add to my life would be downtime. I work two jobs, go to school, am a dad, a boyfriend, a son and a brother. I have found that I take little time for me although all the things I have listed here are included in my wants. I do need to add time time for fun. Time to find freedom and be carefree.

By adding this time back into my life I would meet my needs for love, power and freedom as I would have the time to re-discover who I am and perhaps exercise the power to once again have fun.

Target Practice

Well perhaps not so much on target as I was led to believe I had already hit the mark 3 out of 3 times. But better later than never. Here it is.

I got what I wanted today when:

1. I was on leave from work and drove home this afternoon after a weekend in the mountains of Virginia with the windows of my truck rolled down, great music playing, the sun shining in not one thought of work of any kind on my mind. I stopped and smelled the roses a bit and thumbed my nose at work and schedules and deadlines. The deep growl of my truck as I passed all the gas sipping tin cans left me smiling. Yes I found power in not having a care in the world. And well yes I feel a bit empowered by the HEMI. Well until I had to fuel up. But I found a moment of love as well, stopping to snap pictures of the beauty of the mountains and to breath it all in. Yes I left the past few weeks behind this weekend and it was FUN.

2. I purchased a new printer today after losing my souped up do it all Dell Superfaxprintcopy XLT 294 to the strategically placed poker chip of my son. No my son isn't a Texas Hold em champ, well at least not yet. My son Noah is Autistic and the moment I found the chip in the paper feed of the old printer I felt warm all over. Not from anger, from pure joy and love. My son had done what any other self respecting boy would have done. I smiled a mile wide and laughed until my sides hurt. My purchase tonight of a new HP Quadruple Triple Lindy Printafaxacopyalot gave me power over the solitude of being a single dad of a wonderful boy who just happens to be Autistic. I felt joy as I paid the lady at the French computer store known as Target and at the same time love of being a father.

3. Well right now I am feeling a little powerful and rebellious submitting this rant at the wee hour of 0100. My joy I am sure will be short lived but I am happy to be writing here as it gives me a creative outlet to do something I do so enjoy. Writing. It's like coloring outside the lines despite directions not to do so. I can feel the freedom of wordsmithing and abusing grammatical law. However I know that I soon will not feel the love of the Prof. Well rebellion does have a price.

I Didn't Get What I Wanted Today when:

1. I had to leave the tranquility of my mountain hide out to re-enter the powerless, joyless, freedom less, loveless state of reality. Once again I must be shackled by a chain of command, beaten down by duty, repressed by commitment. Well at least it was pay day.

2. The lottery ticket I purchased in an old mom and pop grocery store in the hills wasn't a winner. So yet again I must put on the uniform, no shorts, tank top and Tevas, and march solemnly in to work. No fun, no love, devoid of power, NADA freedom.

3. I found out that although Blackboard shows I completed this assignment, I in my usual state of stressed out manic confusion did not complete this segment. Oh and I found this out at 0059 hours and some odd cents. So now I have no love as my head is not nestled in my pillow, I will have no joy at my preset 0430 revile, I am powerless to go back in time or to fool the Prof. For some reason the excuse of my "dog ate my computer" isn't going to work this time. I find no fun in this hour as there is no music, no rattle of beer bottles, no interesting ladies. Only me, my laptop and my new printer which has faded off to sleep mode. The only freedom I feel right now is to hit spell check then publish post and wish for the best.

Well maybe .........

A Question of duty.....

Like many of you I have been glued to my television watching the circus of reporters as they risk life and limb to compete in the Loser Olympics as they show the world how horrific the land fall of Hurricane Ike really was. Somehow their sideshow antics are akin to sport as all of us watching secretly hope to watch the poor bastard get blown down the street, slam dunked into a tree or impalled by a flying lamp post. All the while wearing our weather channel jerseys, sipping a cold frothy pint and giving high fives to all of our guest in a drunken orgy of exhilaration albeit the "new" superbowl of hurricane parties.



But just as we think we have achieved the moral stature reserved for a WWF event there comes a level of stupidity unparalleled by even a reporter with an "L" on his forehead. That is the rare breed of idiot compelled by guts, glory, chemically induced bravery or any number of motivating factors to ride out a monstrous storm the likes of hurricane Ike. No these folks did not live in a fortress built into the side of a mountain replete with blast doors and secured ventilation systems. No, they instead chose to wind surf their beach front castles on 100 mph gusts and wave ride 18 foot storm surge despite mandatory evacuation orders from local, state and federal authorities. And I must ask....for what?



Rescue teams now must risk life and limb, scarce resources must be re-deployed and battle plans altered to accommodate these dumbstruck individuals. Many that adhered to the warnings and still found themselves in harms way could very well have to wait for assistance for the wanton disregard of a segment of people who could care less about their decision's impact upon the welfare of others. And we think of Cuba as "third world"?



The very Constitutional rights that I enjoy and so proudly serve also allows selfish individuals place their individual concerns over the good of all. I would surmise that if we as a nation fetched a hefty fee for this kind of ignorance, lets say both monetarily and legally that the few, the proud, the ignorant would take it upon themselves to listen and adhere. It only takes a few hard licks to turn the bull through the gate and when done the rest of the herd surely follows.

The question I leave you with is this. Do we as the future emergency managers of such disasters have a moral obligation to triage resources and if so do people who ignore mandatory evacuation orders fall somewhere in the delayed category? If so, does this leave us ethically and morally liable in the courts of this land and of the free press?