Well perhaps not so much on target as I was led to believe I had already hit the mark 3 out of 3 times. But better later than never. Here it is.
I got what I wanted today when:
1. I was on leave from work and drove home this afternoon after a weekend in the mountains of Virginia with the windows of my truck rolled down, great music playing, the sun shining in not one thought of work of any kind on my mind. I stopped and smelled the roses a bit and thumbed my nose at work and schedules and deadlines. The deep growl of my truck as I passed all the gas sipping tin cans left me smiling. Yes I found power in not having a care in the world. And well yes I feel a bit empowered by the HEMI. Well until I had to fuel up. But I found a moment of love as well, stopping to snap pictures of the beauty of the mountains and to breath it all in. Yes I left the past few weeks behind this weekend and it was FUN.
2. I purchased a new printer today after losing my souped up do it all Dell Superfaxprintcopy XLT 294 to the strategically placed poker chip of my son. No my son isn't a Texas Hold em champ, well at least not yet. My son Noah is Autistic and the moment I found the chip in the paper feed of the old printer I felt warm all over. Not from anger, from pure joy and love. My son had done what any other self respecting boy would have done. I smiled a mile wide and laughed until my sides hurt. My purchase tonight of a new HP Quadruple Triple Lindy Printafaxacopyalot gave me power over the solitude of being a single dad of a wonderful boy who just happens to be Autistic. I felt joy as I paid the lady at the French computer store known as Target and at the same time love of being a father.
3. Well right now I am feeling a little powerful and rebellious submitting this rant at the wee hour of 0100. My joy I am sure will be short lived but I am happy to be writing here as it gives me a creative outlet to do something I do so enjoy. Writing. It's like coloring outside the lines despite directions not to do so. I can feel the freedom of wordsmithing and abusing grammatical law. However I know that I soon will not feel the love of the Prof. Well rebellion does have a price.
I Didn't Get What I Wanted Today when:
1. I had to leave the tranquility of my mountain hide out to re-enter the powerless, joyless, freedom less, loveless state of reality. Once again I must be shackled by a chain of command, beaten down by duty, repressed by commitment. Well at least it was pay day.
2. The lottery ticket I purchased in an old mom and pop grocery store in the hills wasn't a winner. So yet again I must put on the uniform, no shorts, tank top and Tevas, and march solemnly in to work. No fun, no love, devoid of power, NADA freedom.
3. I found out that although Blackboard shows I completed this assignment, I in my usual state of stressed out manic confusion did not complete this segment. Oh and I found this out at 0059 hours and some odd cents. So now I have no love as my head is not nestled in my pillow, I will have no joy at my preset 0430 revile, I am powerless to go back in time or to fool the Prof. For some reason the excuse of my "dog ate my computer" isn't going to work this time. I find no fun in this hour as there is no music, no rattle of beer bottles, no interesting ladies. Only me, my laptop and my new printer which has faded off to sleep mode. The only freedom I feel right now is to hit spell check then publish post and wish for the best.
Well maybe .........
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2 comments:
I just love the way you write! It is so colorful and vibrant. I can almost crawl right into the scene you set, feel the vibration of the music, feel the wind in my hair and hear the joy in your laughter.
At the same time I feel great despair in thinking of you showing up at work with nothing there you want. I can feel the darkness creeping over me as if I were you.
I hope and pray you can find something you love to do that is paid real soon. I hope you can give yourself permission to look elsewhere or to create something new. Give that boy of yours a big hug all the way from Vermont.
Kris says it well. I hope that over the course of this semester and the years to come you can bring your professional life into alignment with your personal goals for happiness, financial stability and satisfaction. I hear several reasons in your post for why you stay where you are professionally and respect your hard choices.
Since you're "poking the bull," you did a good job running spell check in the wee hours of the morning, but did you notice that it can't check for correct meaning? You meant to say "breathe" and your spell checker let you get by with "breath."
Since these are your reflection blogs instead of professional products, I'm going to be less tight on your language here. All in all, it's a good idea for one's writing to reflect well upon one's self since that's the only way we interact with one another in this program.
Enjoy the fall weather.
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