IPOH Chapter 6

At the risk of offending those with an interest in my personal life I will opine that this particular assignment is a bit too close for comfort. But as the great sages of the human psyche remind us “this discomfort is where growth takes place”. I would just like to interject a rousing explicative intermixed with mind and your own business and be on my merry way. However, I do not feel that would be a prudent path towards academic excellence. So with the barrel of a loaded grade held to my temple I shall change the names to protect the innocent and leak a few secrets onto this public forum.

I, like many of you reading this, enjoy the company of others in meaningful and romantic relationships. I have court documents and child support to stand witness to my failed attempt at wedded bliss. Like so many newly “liberated” men I have also had my share of rebounds, bar hounds and liquor rounds in my colorful past. Yes I did say past as almost three years ago I applied for a part time job and met a red headed beauty I shall call “Raquel”. (I did preface this rant by saying I would change the names to protect the innocent). So Raquel and I meet and instantly I want to know her in a much more meaningful way than just coworkers. I have always placed a taboo on such work relationships but just this once I was ok with jumping without a chute.

To say the least the past three years have been marked by some great memories however within the last year Raquel and I have put one another through the proverbial ringer.
So with the back ground of my life problems laid out for the entire ethos to see, the person I shall list as a problem in my life right now is “Raquel”. Some of the issues I have asked from this person are balance, freedom, consistency and trust. By balance I mean just that, a chi like state where everything in your life has a place and a center. The freedom I ask for is to reacquaint myself with old and lost friends and reconnect with those of my past. The consistency I require truly means just that, not the emotional roller coaster currently in play. Lastly, I seek her trust as I have not breeched that wall with her due to many issues from previous relationships in her life.

I have confided in “Raquel” of the things I need in this relationship and life in general. However, she sees them as a slight towards her and withdraws. So here I sit writing my personal life in code to preserve life, limb and grade. Despite the gloomy demeanor of this rant I believe there is room for change. Most of those changes I can control in my reaction to her withdraw and perhaps some compromise is in order on my part. I have been so busy with my personal life that perhaps I have left her feeling a bit unimportant.

So the problem person right now in my life is indeed “Raquel”. She has not been meeting my needs for fun, power, love or freedom and I am sure I have not fulfilled hers either. That said I believe this can be rectified through open and honest discussion replete with active listening on my part.

I have always seen myself as a pretty positive person, giving praise freely but perhaps throwing the “BS” flag a bit too freely and intensely. So this week I endeavored to step out on a limb and find the positives in a bunch of negative events at work. It did not take long for opportunity to knock, as at a recent structure fire my crew allowed me ample opportunity to blow my stack deep inside only to hold a quite calm critique and accentuate the “what went right” portion. So there in is my lesson to take away. Perhaps I should change my view to what is right in my personal life.